What time of the day am I?

You are breakfasty, like a pile of pancakes on a Sunday morning that have just the right amount of syrup, so every bite is sweet perfection and not a soppy mess. You are a glass of orange juice that's cool, refreshing, and not overly pulpy. You are the time of day that's just right for turning the pages of a newspaper, flipping through channels, or clicking around online to get a sense of how the world changed during the night. You don't want to stumble sleepily through life, so you make a real effort to wake your brain up and get it thinking. You feel inspired to accomplish things (whether it's checking something off your to-do list or changing the world), but there's plenty of time for making things happen later in the day. First, pancakes.

Link via Tanu's blog....

You know you have been reading too much Harry Potter when...

...there is a mail asking for entries to a 'Treasure Hunt' contest, and you think about a niffler.....

She who was born this day....

Some people do not breeze into your life...they waddle in, look around and suddenly announce with a bang that they are there...and as you wait for the confetti and glitter to settle down, you suddenly realize that that will take some time to settle, and you might as well get used to the glitter around...because life is not going to be dull anymore!
She is the one with whom I can talk ceaselessly on no topics at all.....
She is the one who would say 'yes pleeeess' if I mention going out after work...
She is the one who would add 'if it is ok with you', while suggesting an evening out for dance and drinks...and not make me feel guilty for refusing....
She is someone whom I am scared to take for granted, yet, someone who would probably not make it an issue if I do...
She is the one who would perfectly understand what I have talking about when others would be wondering why I seem to be speaking in English, and yet not making any sense...

Flamboyant and bubbly...
Energetic enough to pull me along to a fun evening, when I vehemently complain about long working hours...
Lazy enough to share coffee with on an evening of books and writing novels...

Someone who I know is different from me in ways which would make me seem like an utterly boring and dull person in front of her jazz, yet I have never felt that way... well, some people are unique that way....
So here's wishing she has a unique birthday full of everything she deserves....here's wishing Tanu!!

I completed Nanowrimo....

Here's a small note to say that I completed Nanowrimo this time around too....but my novel is far from over....so taking their advice and not touching it at all for some days....to re-start editing and adding once I am through with enjoying my free evenings....yawn!

Sorry about the long vacation....

This is a brief post to tell everyone who reads this blog that I am sorry for the hiatus...and it is not over yet....and yet am actually writing a lot.
From August till October end, I was writing essays - first for the exams and then for the applications. A couple of days back I realized that in one and a half months, I have written about 20 essays....that too about topics I have never thought that I could write more than a sentence...topics like your career, goals, leadership....I can now speak at length about focus of my life and working amidst diversity and team efforts. If that sounds like bragging, it isn't - it is just being said to show how pathetic my condition is....I can actually conduct a whole workshop for a couple of days on managerial qualities now. Phew!
Now that it is out of the way and the waiting period has begun, I have shifted to more familiar challenge, yes, I have registered for Nanowrimo yet again...
This time, I do not know where I am going, because I do have something in my head, but somehow they do not want to come out on paper. Also, the destination is know but not the path....am hoping that will make me write it all out with more energy and passion.....but after 20 essays, the thirst (or should that be hunger) to put words and characters on paper and bind them to a story has diminished to a whole lot...so wish me luck!
See you all post November with hopefully good news...Adieu for now....

Absolute surrender to grief...

Sadness carries with it an excess baggage
- the baggage of explaining why you are sad
Then, the patience to listen to why you should not be sad
All the time, a part of you agreeing to what the other person says....
Yet, resisting the 'silver lining' thrust at you,
Refusing to let anything take this moment of grief away from you...
Pushing away cheerful rays because you want to grieve...alone...
To grieve, uninterrupted, letting the gloom wash over you
Bundling you up in its wet warmth, so that you feel yourself melting into it
When the grief becomes you and you become the grief
Letting it fill you up and flow out of you
- And finally, feeling it leave you in soft ripples
A moment bereft of all feelings
To wait, for the precise time
When a patch of sun will be seen after the eclipse
- When birds start singing again


When I am sad, I usually push it away, trying to reach out to happy people, somewhat making it slightly clear that I need help, because I want to be so desperately happy now. I tune in to happy songs, happy smiles, happy vibes, all the time, the sadness gnawing somewhere.
I hate sad songs, almost all the times.
I avoid sad novels, movies with sad endings.
And then, suddenly today, I heard this song, which I had heard long back:

'Deewaron se milkar rona achchha lagta hain'

It felt like something I was waiting for, to draw me in, and fill me up.

Updated note:
On reading through what I wrote for grief, it suddenly felt as if I was describing the summer rain...so futile to resist, so warm and wet to get drenched in it, and so much of an in-between feeling if I run away from the first few drops to dry ground.....

Counting on my fingers...sounds familiar?

What was the date again...23rd...no must be 25th....she was sure 'it' started after they had a major customer release in November....the freeze date was 22nd, so it must have been 23rd....no wait, let me see, it was a Friday, because she had planned to go shopping after office, but once it started, she felt too sick to go....so that makes it 25th....so 25th it is. Now add 28 to it, and so this month 'it' should happen on 23rd, yes, that's right.
She mentally marked the date and then thought some more. If 'it' starts on 23rd as it is supposed to, then she cannot really go on the trekking trip that same day. Might as well cancel the trip, if they cannot postpone it. But what if 'it' does not start on that day...and starts later once the trip gets postponed...
--
She felt a familiar unpleasant sensation in her stomach and grimaced, unbelievingly. Instinctively, she looked at the calendar, and then at the day-date watch on her hand. Well, it was not time yet...'it' was supposed to start next Friday...so why in the world is 'it' starting today? Should she see a doctor? Oh, forget it...'it' may not start till later....it was probably a niggling pain before it actually started...
--
She pinged her friend. 'I want some chocolate, and also feel like having cheese...'
'Ah ok, it is 'that' time of the month for you?'
'You bet...I feel like fighting with everyone today...oh hell!'
'Happens...'
--
The gynaec scribbled on the writing pad and wrote what looked like a list of doodles with balloons and loops.
"Take the first one for three days at the beginning of the cycle...then give a break of five days...then the second..."

She was still calculating the days in her mind as her husband started the car.
"Those medicines...too much calculations for you, right?" he asked, sympathetically.
She grinned. "I am used to it. Have been doing it ever since I got my first periods..."
"I see. Is that why you are so good at counting how many drinks I have in the pub?" He made a mock sad face.
"Sorry about that." She said feelingly. "But probably that's the reason, that and counting calories at the back of the chips packet..."

Inwardly, she mused, "And they say, a woman is bad in Maths..."

...as if am cycling after a long time....

It's been more than two months....that's regretful...what's even more regretful is that the moment I typed the word 'regretful', I thought I should use the dictionary to double check...and so it was that I realized that somehow I am unable to translate 'bade dukh ki baat hain' to english....
It surely feels as if I am cycling after a long time. It is as if I used to pass the old bike kept under the staircase, each time I came down the steps and opened the door to go out, and it will ask me, silently, "Today?"
I would stop, think, then shake my head and run out. No time, what will others think if I was awkward on it, what if the onlookers think that I am just being self-indulgent, what difference does it make if I don't ride it.....enough doubts to push me through another day.
And so it went on, till it has now been over two months that my fingers have not sought out the familiar keys on the keyboard, in fact, barring a few blogs, I have not even written comments on blogs where I was a regular visitor. The thoughts, which were always random, have now become clouded....one does not end before the other begins, and each one do not exist to fill more than a line, and they are tiring. And as I realized how technical I had suddenly become, I also realized that I was not really happy till I write. True, I don't write masterpieces, but then, how does it matter?
So, here I am, taking out the dusty cycle, and starting off with a ring of the bell on the handle...can't say 'I am back', because the next post might be a month off....but then, I am happy today....
To everyone who had been checking my blog some time for a new post....thanks a TON...here's hoping we meet up on this blog some time soon.....